I’m trying not to get my hopes up, but I have a job interview on Monday. It was actually supposed to be next Friday, but they emailed me today asking if it could be moved up because they were really excited to meet me. That’s good new, right? So what’s the job? Yeah, I have absolutely no idea.
So here’s the story. On Monday for Memorial Day since we were all off, I got together with a few friends of mine. We started talking, and one had tried to get me in where she works and asked if they had ever contacted me. I told her that they hadn’t, but no worries, something would come along eventually. Friend 2 threw the brakes on the conversation and asked what we were talking about. I told her Friend 1 had given my resume to her boss trying to get me a job there. She said why didn’t you ask me?
I pointed out that she had PhD and I hadn’t thought that she would know of anything I’d be qualified for. She asked a number of questions about my degrees, what I wanted to do, etc., etc., etc. She tuned us out and picked up her phone. Friend 1 and I went back to our conversation. After a few minutes of furious typing, Friend 2 asked what my salary requirements were. When I asked why, she said she had gotten in touch with members from her old group, gave them the basics of my quals, and they wanted to know what I wanted to be paid to see if they could afford me.
They didn’t blink at the number.
I emailed them my resume that night and by Tuesday was an email exchange with their director. By Wednesday night we had an interview set up. They called today to see if we could move it up because they wanted to meet ASAP and were really looking forward to it.
This is all promising, right? Please tell me I’m not reading too much into things.
I’m trying to not get ahead of myself, but this is the first time in two years that I’ve felt any glimmer of serious hope. Hope that this will work out. Hope that things will change. Hope that I can finally start getting ahead rather than just plodding along. Hope that we won’t, actually, have to move. Hope for a better future.
I’m actually terrified at the prospect. I haven’t felt this feeling in years. My last job beat it out of me, and destroyed my mental and physical health in the process. For a long time I thought that was normal. I realize, now, that that’s not the case. I’m trying not to get too excited, but it’s hard.
Time to change gears.
I started vaping CBD oil recently. I was vaping any way to try and stop smoking (successful except when I’m really overly anxious and stressed), and my shrink recommended trying CBD oil with my vape to try and help with my anxiety as we were both reticent about adding another medication when, for everything else, my current cocktail is working so well.
My anxiety is almost completely gone. What lingers is totally manageable. I sleep better. A lot of my general aches and pains from years of being hard on my body are gone. I’m generally a more pleasant person to be around. With the stress and anxiety lifted to manageable levels I laugh again. I have days where I’m actually happy. I don’t know if I’ve been genuinely happy in years, if ever. It’s a weird feeling.
That being said, the first few days I was like a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs, but for a weird reason. I described it to my husband in that anxiety has been around since I was in my teens. Even if it’s not active, per se, it kind of hums along in the background, ready to be called on at any moment to spring into action. In some weird way it’s like an old friend that I carried with me everywhere. In some sense, it became comforting, it just being there, hanging out.
That constant anxiety? GONE. Don’t get me wrong, when things happen it’s still there, but it’s more of what I would think is a normal reaction to stressful situations than the internal freak-outs I used to have. To add, people around me have noticed the difference. Someone told me the other day that it no longer looks like I’m carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. Which is funny, because I’m still dealing with the same stressors, but I’m actually more able to deal with them in a healthy, constructive way.
Point being, if anyone is thinking about it, talk to your doc. If you do go that route, make sure you get it from a reputable source. I did a lot of research before I committed, but it has to be something that you’re comfortable with from a brand that you’re comfortable with. One of my big sticking points was that I wanted lab reports to look at to see if they were certified, what they tested for, what kinds of tests were run, etc. I wanted the scientific transparency above all.
That’s it for today. I know, two posts in one week? Unheard of. Keep your fingers crossed for me and hope that things go well.