Currently listening to: Dermont Kennedy – Power Over Me (this is a great song. I highly suggest you check it out)
Touching on something that I talked about last post – one of the biggest signs that I’m going into an episode is that I’m shopping and spending a ton of money on things that I don’t need, or even want. I’m not doing that. Mike pointed this out today when I told him of my concerns. I had to laugh. He’s so spot on right it’s not even funny. Then he also pointed out that I’m not speaking fast, I’m not starting all kinds of crazy projects, I’m sleeping. So, yeah. I feel better. I’m always going to have to be vigilant, but we’re pretty much in agreement at this point that this is not an episode, I just feel good. I’m just in a good mood, and have been for a few weeks. Nothing wrong with that. We’re both on top of watching for warning signs, so for now, I’m going to enjoy it.
The friend I thought I’d lost? Well, he’s back. And apparently not telling his fiance we’re still in close contact. Whatever. It’s his business. I’m so glad that I have a relationship where I can have male friends and it’s totally whatever. Hell, I’m even friends with a few of my exes – and not just Facebook friends, or whatever. I try to get together with them every few months, catch up, grab a beer. And yes, my husband is totally cool with it. Yes, I dated these guys, slept with them, whatever, but these were guys that it was mutually decided that we were much better off as friends. And these guys are some of my oldest, and closest friends. Mike respects that. He respects the relationship I have with them, and fucking trusts me enough to not assume that I’m immediately going to fall into bed with them. I hate people. Like bro, if your boyfriend/girlfriend/fiance(e)/spouse is with you, they’re with you for a reason. There is no reason to assume that being friends with someone of the opposite sex automatically means that you’re going to sleep with them! And if you have that level of trust issue, the problem is with you, not your spouse.
Sure, I flirt with my guy friends. It’s fun, it’s harmless, it’s safe. They flirt right back. I don’t presume that that means anything more than having some fun and joking between friends. I hate to admit it, but flirting is just part of my personality. It means nothing. But yes, I tell JJ he looks hot in his uniform, I tell Caleb he has sex hair, and I tell Mark that he has a nice ass. Sure, it makes everybody feel good, but at the end of the day it means nothing.
But there’s always going to be a stigma around these relationships because jealousy is a thing. I know that Mike’s relationships with his female friends doesn’t take anything away from the relationship he has with me, but some people are always going to believe that. It all comes down to trust. And some people just can’t bring themselves to do that, for whatever reason, valid or invalid.
We find through life, people that fulfill different needs. You are never going to find everything you want or need in one person. It’s crazy to think that you will. That’s what friendships are for. It shocks the hell out of people sometimes, but Mike and I aren’t totally into all of the same things. He has interests that I don’t share, just as I have some that he doesn’t. I have things in common with my friends – man and woman – that I can’t necessarily share with him. And guess what? That’s totally find. I feel like we should spend our time on this planet filling our lives with people that enrich us, that make us better, that really get us. People that you look forward talking to. People that add something to your life, even if that something is just companionship over shared experiences.
Hopefully we’ll be back to our regularly scheduled program next week in which I’m a whackjob trying to get my shit together.