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“You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.” ― Albert Camus

I’m finding happiness where I can right now.

Work sucks, and is likely to do so for the next month. There’s nothing that I can do about it. I just have to take the lumps and hope that things go back to the way that they were at the beginning of the fiscal year. So that means that right now I just have to suck it up and do the best that I can with what I’m given. It’s not going to be easy, but I don’t have a choice, or a say, in the matter.

So I’m finding happiness where I can. With a little help, I got trellis put up behind the patio last night and got the clematis planted. I can already see the wall of flowers it’s going to make as long as the little guys survive. Everything is either blooming wonderfully, or growing like weeds and are going to be gorgeous in a few weeks. I’m hoping Tuesday it won’t be so hot so I can get out there and do the weeding and maintenance and whatnot. So yes, my gardens bring me happiness.

I’m also currently sitting on the couch letting oVertone soak some blue dye into my dark hair hoping that it turns out a nice navy blue (and also hoping that I don’t get any on the couch). I’m thankful that I finally work for a company that isn’t the business professional police and don’t let anyone’s personalities shine through. Rumor has it our county is going to green next week, which means that the salons, spas, piercers, and tattoo parlors are going to open soon. I need a hair cut, a good wax, a new hole or three in my head, and some new ink ASAP. I’ve got the itch. I know what I want, and have most of them planned. I just need the opportunity of someone being open to do it. Again, I’m trying to find happiness where I can.

It’s not easy to find happiness these days. Most of us are really having to look hard to figure out what we can do that makes us happy. I’m lucky in that over the last few years I’ve discovered a few hobbies that not only do just that, but that are things I can do alone. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to join a kickball league, but with my schedule it’s just not possible. So instead I’m doing things around the house and slowly plodding through working on things I need to do for certifications. I’m enjoying spending the evenings (or mornings as the case may be) with Mike and the cats. I’m enjoying the quiet times I have when either no one is around, or whoever is around is tied up in their own stuff and I’m left alone to just breathe.

The craziness of COVID-19 has in many respects left me largely untouched. None of us got sick, we’re working fairly normally, we haven’t had a lot of disruption in our daily lives other than seeing friends, but we’ve been FaceTiming and Zooming with a few of them to keep in touch, and we’ve probably “seen” them more in the last few weeks than we normally do in almost a year. Now, working in grocery I am dealing with people’s craziness there. The hoarding, being screamed ask because you ask someone politely to wear their mask correctly, the general increased asshole-tivity that’s going on around the country, the insane things coming down from corporate that we don’t have a choice in doing. But you know what? I’ve learned to leave work there and not bring it home as much as I can. Sure, I gripe to Mike, but I’m not letting a few incidents ruin my entire day.

I’m trying to find my happy, as best as I can, and not let all of the negativity, both in my life and in the world, bring me down too much.

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