Some days I feel like this monkey. Annoyed, irritable, and dealing with a whole bunch of trash.
It’s been a long few days. And I’ve felt myself growing irritable about the slightest things. It makes sense – I’m only human, and I feel like I’ve been dealing with levels of stupidity far above and beyond what would make even a neurotypical person snap.
But I’ve kept my calm. It’s really only come out at home. And the boys know I’ve been irritable. But the one thing that they do that I absolutely hate is poking the bear. While questions like “what’s wrong?” and “is everything ok?” normally well meaning, they bug me, especially when they’re asked ten times in ten different ways. Seriously, just leave it alone and let me be. Even if there was something I could talk about past a sense of “I fucking hate people,” I probably don’t want to talk about it. Let me be and let’s all move on with our lives.
I know that irritability can be a major hallmark for me that there’s something on the horizon, but I really feel like at this point I’m burned out. I’m burned out on people screaming at me that they don’t want to wear a mask (just put the stupid thing on. If you had done that to begin with you’d probably be halfway out the door, but no. You want to cause a scene and make a point. Guess what? I don’t care), that we aren’t accepting returns or giving rain checks at this point (really? For one, I don’t know where you’ve had that thing and I sure as hell don’t want it in the store, and two, have you missed that supply chains are disrupted or manufacturers are running at limited capacity? No? So you’ve had your head in no mask propaganda for the last three months unless it plays into a specific narrative? Great.). My point is I’m not experiencing any of the other things that normally come along with the irritability, I just think that I’m sick and tired of dealing with morons, people who are trying to push specific agendas, or people that are just selfish as hell.
The majority of mental illness is not mass shooters, it is people with forgetfulness, confusion and irritability.Steven Magee
Isn’t that the damn truth. I feel like this is how I live my life half of the time. I’m generally confused, forgetful as hell, and sick of dealing with bullshit. And you know what? It’s mostly bullshit. Not that I don’t care about people’s problems, but I’ve got my own shit that I’m dealing with. And yes, in my world, that trumps your problems most of the time, especially if I don’t know you or you feel that the best way or communicating is screaming about something that I can do nothing about.
To all of the Karens and Chads in the world, and to all of the people that will string you along and mess with your head, and to all of the people that like to create problems where none exist – go fuck yourself. Because I literally do not care anymore. I’m too tired, too burned out, too exhausted by the bullshit to care anymore.
Currently listening to: I Hate Everyone by Say Anything (seems very apropos)