mental health · sleep

All I want to do is get a good night’s sleep

Photo by u0410u043bu0435u043au0441u0430u043du0434u0430u0440 u0426u0432u0435u0442u0430u043du043eu0432u0438u045b on Pexels.com

For about 10 days now, I have consistently have had a bitch of a time sleeping. It either takes me forever and a day to fall asleep, during which I toss and turn because I can’t get comfortable and then get either blindingly hot or absolutely freezing so I’m messing with the covers for what seems like forever, I don’t stay asleep, or when I do finally fall asleep I either sleep for ten hours in such a fitful sleep, yet deep sleep or I wake up constantly, and no matter what, I wake up exhausted. I’ve ended up sleeping on the couch a lot recently so as to not disturb Mike who has to be up super early for work. Hell, I’ve still been up a few times when he’s gotten up.

I’ve used things like trazadone in the past, but that crap knocks me on my ass for 16 hours and I feel like a zombie for the next two days. NyQuill gives me night terrors, so I’m reticent to trying ZQuill. I’ve tried cutting out caffeine after a certain point of the day, not eating after six or seven, and moving workouts to different points of the day. Nothing, literally nothing, has worked. I keep meaning to try meditation but I can’t seem to find the time where I remember to do it and the house isn’t chaos.

I’m constantly tired. Even now, I came home from work dead on my feet. Did a few minor things, took a shower, got into bed…. and here we are. I cannot fall asleep. All I want to do is get a good night’s sleep, wake up rested and on time, and feel ready to start the day.

But no, once I do wake up I have a hard time getting motivated, I’m sluggish for most of the day, and I generally feel like crap. I’m having stomach problems, I either don’t want to eat or I want to eat all day, I don’t want to socialize (we actually skipped a wedding on Saturday because I just couldn’t bring myself to people).

Sleep, those little slices of death — how I loathe them.

Edgar Allan Poe

I don’t think this is mania setting in, which is definitely a risk for me. But I also don’t think this is depression. I’m going to work, I’m getting things done, I’m not physically unable to get off of the couch, I’m not irritable. But these are all concerns.

Things have been going so well recently, the last thing I need is a fucking episode to rear its ugly head. But I really don’t think that’s what this is, at least not right now. But I’m well aware that it could be if this isn’t dealt with ASAP.

Luckily my psychiatrist is responsive as hell, and I’ve already emailed him. Hopefully he has some suggestions, otherwise we’re going to pull the trigger and buy a new mattress.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s