sleep

A little on insomnia. Alternate title: All I want to do is fucking sleep

Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

Well, we’re cruising into three weeks of relatively no sleep, other than Saturday/Saturday night. Unfortunately I can’t rely on sleep meds when I have to be up early the next morning for work. I don’t trust that I’ll wake up in time and I’ll spend the falling asleep time anxious and worried, which means that I’ll finally succumb to sleep even later and I won’t get up for work.

I’m not playing that game.

I had high hopes for last night. I was incredibly tired by about 7:30, so I decided to get into bed around 8. 9 passed. 10 flew by. At 11 I gave up and got up and got a snack because by now I was hungry. Went back to bed and midnight and finally fell asleep. Woke up around 2. Couldn’t get comfortable. At 3 I went out onto the couch and fell back asleep. Woke again at 4:30 and just decided to give up.

My doc is baffled. This came on incredibly suddenly. There was no predicating factor. My anxiety is under control. My stress is less than it’s been in years. Mood-wise, I feel fine (minus a bit of irritability which is being caused by sleeplessness). I’m not depressed, and despite not sleeping I’m not manic. I’m not even trending in one direction or another. I had dinner with a friend tonight and had a good time. I’m getting enjoyment out of things. I’m not moving 1m miles an hour. I’m not talking fast. I’m not getting into a ton of projects. Mood wise I seem to be cruising along fine.

I just can’t sleep.

I actually emailed my old therapist today and asked if he was still seeing clients. We have an appointment on Wednesday. I’m baffled here. I’m hoping that maybe a few sessions with Sean and we can drill down on what the hell is going on here, if it is even mood related.

Believe me, I’ve considered that it’s entirely possible that I’m slipping into perimenopause, which is something I don’t even want to consider at my age – I feel like I’m too young at 38, but it’s still possible.

I think insomnia is a sign that a person is interesting.

Avery Sawyer

At the end of the day, all I want is to get even a half-decent night’s sleep. Is that really too much to ask? I’m just so damn tired…

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