Two nights in a row now that I’ve actually slept. Night before last was totally unmedicated. I went to bed around 8 and just passed out. Mike said when he got home from work and found me like that, that he had never moved around the bedroom so quietly because he was terrified of waking me up. But nope. Slept all night until it was time to get up for work. Was actually a few minutes late.
And then last night I took a trazadone around 7, just to make sure that I got another solid night since I’m off today. Fell asleep around 9, woke up at 7:15 and immediately got moving. I haven’t felt this good in a few weeks now. There isn’t that overwhelming, crushing sense of exhaustion. I feel almost normal again.
I was really starting to get worried. I could start to feel my mood slipping just because I was so tired all of the time. I was starting to get irritable. I had no energy. I was beyond tired all of the time. I barely got anything done outside of work. All I wanted to do was sleep, and it never came.
In many ways I felt like a slightly conscious zombie – just moving through life and going through the motions but not actually experiencing or doing anything.
I’m cautiously optimistic that this is over.
To die, to sleep;William Shakespeare, Hamlet
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there’s the rub.