Fall has always been my favorite season. The temperature is cooling down, leaves are changing, it’s hoodie season, and, most importantly, Halloween.
But the transition from summer to fall has always been a tough one for me. In many ways, my mood is very much tied to the change of seasons. But while most people suffer during fall to winter and during winter, my problems always seem to spring up (heh – see what I did there?) as summer changes to fall. This year is no different, albeit rather mildly this year.
After the events of the summer, I was really looking forward to fall. I seem to not live my life by months, rather by seasons. A new season starting always feels like a fresh start. Even though there’s technically a week left in summer, my body and mind are already in fall mode. It’s probably because the days, while still warm, are noticeably cooling off and the days are now definitely shorter.
Anyway, I digress.
The beginning of the end of summer brought about a horrific bout of insomnia, the personal decision to end a few relationships and cut unhealthy dead weight from my life, and anxiety trying to creep back into my life in a way it hasn’t been in awhile. I’m still not feeling 100% back to myself, but I’m getting there.
There’s a few pieces I still need to drill down on – mainly diet and exercise, but I’m really trying to listen to my body and when it says it’s ready versus forcing both issues and failing miserably at both. Slowly but surely I’m dialing back in on the diet portion, and I have the feeling I’ll be back to sweating it out 4-5 times a week within the next week.
The important parts are back – I’m back to being super productive, and I’m not half phoning it in at work anymore. I’m being social, etc. But if there’s one thing the last month taught me it’s that I need to take time to relax. I can’t always be on go. And I don’t have to multitask everything that I’m doing. I don’t have to check and respond to work emails while I’m sitting on the couch watching TV and hanging out with Mike. I don’t have to do everything for everyone while I’m trying to do things for myself.
So yeah, in a month I may have put five pounds back on, but I’m back to feeling more like myself, even if we’re not 100% there yet. I’ve learned over the years in dealing with mental illness is that if you don’t start listening to yourself you’re going to end up in a bad place. I don’t want to end up in a bad place. But I need to learn how to dial everything back and take time for me.
Stay safe and healthy.