I can’t believe that it’s already November 1. Vacation is almost over, and on the whole it was nice. Spent a lot of good time with Mike, got a lot of stuff done around the house. I’d like to say that I feel invigorated, but apparently the curse of vacation still exists and my anxiety is humming. I’m starting to realize that on a day to day basis, I keep myself busy. The upside to that is my brain never has time to be itself to do what it does best – twist and warp reality. On the whole, though, it’s been a good week.
Here are some of the highlights:
- Sunday the Wrecks did a livestream concert, so my brother and a friend came over and joined us for it. It was a good time.
- Monday I got my daith pierced. I’m discovering that I really do have a high pain tolerance. I really don’t even flinch when these things are being done. Here’s my current set-up in my right ear. Sadly I don’t have the anatomy for an industrial (I have delicate ears, apparently), but we talked about doing something like a surface bar piercing where we essentially do two cartilage piercings on either side of the upper cartilage, wait for them to heal, and then swap those piercings out for a bar once the heal. Something to think about. If I don’t do that I’ll probably get one done high on the cartilage, and then, at least for now, I think I’m done with my right ear. (Easy to say now.) My left ear I want to get a conch and put a ring in it so it wraps around my ear, and maybe a forward helix or two. When I first started getting some of these piercings I didn’t really think about a bigger picture, but now I am. I’m trying to balance out the two sides and get piercings that compliment and work with each other. I’m not trying to be edgy, but I’m trying to find a personal style that works for me.
- Most of the rest of the week was pretty uneventful. I was doing really well with diet and exercise until we left for the other side of the state. My final weight before we left was 175.9, and I was proud of that. I’m curious to see how much I’ve gained back since all of the food was so rich and there was a lot of snacking in the car and whatnot. I haven’t jumped on the scale yet this morning, but I’m trying to remind myself that this weekend was important and that just because I may have lost ground doesn’t mean I can’t make it up again. I was doing really well, and I can easily get back on track.
- Every year we go to Gettysburg at the end of October. We do a few ghost walks, drive around the battlefields. We never have as much time as we’d want, but it’s nice to spend that day and a half with Mike doing something that we both really enjoy – learning about history. The tour we did this year was with a different group than we normally do, and we both enjoyed it immensely.
- A few years ago we stumbled upon the Irish Brigades’ monument, but there were so many people around we didn’t manage to get any good pictures. This year we specifically sought it out, and lucky for us, there were no people around. It’s a gorgeous monument and Mike, especially, got some really good pictures, especially of the details.
I emailed my doc over the weekend to see if we could increase the Zyprexa temporarily to try and relieve some of this anxiety and paranoia. I’m trying to not be a crazy person, but sometimes it’s hard when my brain just doesn’t want to cooperate. I try to convince myself that these thoughts aren’t real, they don’t have basis in truth, but it’s so hard when your mind is literally telling you otherwise. It’s funny though – these could be symptoms of all three of my diagnoses – anxiety, bipolar, ADHD. I hate that at this point in time we’re still treating symptoms and not underlying causes. But seeing as how we don’t really know what causes any of it, there’s nothing else that we can do.
I’m hoping by this time next week we have an election result. I don’t think it’s going to get better immediately – I honestly think that no matter the outcome it’s going to get worse, first. I wonder if this is where some of my anxiety stems from. It’s possible. I mean – are we going to see massive civil unrest no matter who wins? Or is some of it COVID related? Countries in Europe are going back into lockdown, are we going to have another one? There’s a lot going on in the world that could easily cause anxiety to run high. Maybe I just need to remember to remind myself to slow down and breathe.
Well, time to tackle the week.
Stay safe, friends.