mental health

It’s more than halfway done

The office. It’s amazing. My own space. I’m currently sitting at my brand new desk typing this entry. It feels so wonderful to have an area of the house that’s all mine. We’ve got most of the furniture built (I’m looking at you, printer cart), and I started putting the desk together and hanging stuff on the walls. I got a fancy book stand for my planner, and I’m set. The biggest project is going to be finding and organizing all of my craft stuff, which a good friend of mine and I are going to tackle on Wednesday night. I bought one of those cube organizers so I can try to keep things together, but also see what I have. Currently most of my crafting stuff is stored in an old steamer trunk, which sucks because the way it has to be organized I have no idea what’s down at the bottom. The other problem is that I have stuff upstairs in the trunk, in both closets upstairs, in the living room, and some in the basement. I honestly have no idea what I even have, and I have the feeling that once I get everything organized I’m going to be very surprised at what I actually have.

As exciting as all of this is, what’s most exciting is that I feel better than I have in awhile. As usual, I didn’t even realize that I wasn’t feeling 100% – that’s the problem with slow declines that don’t really go past feeling ‘meh.’ But I’ve come to the realization that I’m genuinely happy. Mike actually commented tonight that he can tell I’m feeling better. He told me that I’m back to being goofy, that I was so serious for awhile there. I need to make a note to tell people to let me know when I’m being overly serious and generally not weird, because that’s just not normal for me.

I’d be tempted to say that I don’t know what caused the change, but I can directly attribute it to two things. The first is that October is over. I generally have mood issues in the early spring and then late summer/early fall. It seems like once we get into April and November the worst generally has passed and we’re in the clear for a few months. It seems like most people that suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder are just starting to have problems and I’m starting to breathe a sigh of relief and get back to normal. I swear, for me it’s Daylight Savings Time. I can generally clock my moods by when we change the clocks.

But more importantly, the second is that I noticed that something was going on and got in touch with my doc suggesting that we up the Zyprexa to two times a day rather than just at bedtime. In some manner of speaking I hate being on an antipsychotic, atypical or not. To me it’s the badge of “crazy.” But I’ll be damned if that shit doesn’t work. Within three days of upping the dosage I was already starting to feel better. We’re not even two weeks out and I feel like a real person again. It’s amazing the response I have to this drug. Don’t get me wrong, it’s the lithium that does the heavy lifting, but the Zyprexa redistributes the weight so the lithium isn’t under strain. That sounds like a stupid metaphor, but I’m running with it.

Either way, I feel good. I actually headed to the gym once I sign off here and get a few other odds and ends done.

Here’s a funny story to end the post:

I share an office with my store manager. He was sitting at my desk today, which he never does but our human resources coordinator was using his desk, and all of a sudden he sits up and says, “it smells so feminine over here. Why is that?” I replied that, in case he had missed it, I am a female, and I generally wear perfume every day. So it would stand to reason that my area of the office smelled more like flowers and less like feet. He just looked at me like I had two heads. Was he surprised that I didn’t stink? He knows that I’m a clean person who showers often and takes care of my appearance. I was kind of baffled that he was surprised that my area of the office smelled… good. I swear, I will never understand men.

That’s it for today. Stay safe, friends.

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