I was talking to my mom last night, and she was talking about how rough 2020 has been, and it got me thinking. Despite the pandemic, and lockdowns, and toilet paper shortages, we’ve had a pretty good year. The shenanigans at Mike’s old job led him to get a new, better one. I got placed in my current position and have been thriving. Our roommate moved out. We’ve had a lot of fun, and I’d like to think that we’ve grown closer as a couple.
Today is our official dating anniversary, and since we weren’t able to do anything for our wedding anniversary, I’m going all out today. I got up early and cleaned the whole house. Did the floors, dusted, cleaned up, everything. Surprisingly it only took me about 2.5 hours (we have a small house, and the house was relatively clean to begin with). And to top off the day I’m making a fancy dinner – bruschetta, short ribs, potatoes, asparagus, crème brûlée. We were laughing as I was leaving work last night with a baguette and a bottle of fancy wine that I was just oh so French.
Here’s the highlights of the week:
- I only managed to work out three times this week, but my diet was decent, so I’m down 1.5 pounds. I’m up a little from where I ended last week, but it’s close, and I had a two days that I didn’t pay that close attention to what I was eating. I’m really pushing myself at the gym and when I do the Morning Meltdown workouts, I just need to try to fit more into the week. There’s definitely room for improvement next week. According to my scale, my % body fat is going down and my % muscle is going up. I know that these things aren’t completely accurate, but this is at least showing me that I’m on the right track.
- I’m being very careful about the diet, exercise and fasting, though. Between my personality and the diagnoses I already have, I’m at a higher risk to develop an eating disorder. I already have a very unhealthy relationship with food, and I’m trying to work on that. The fasting especially can be tough from a mental health standpoint, but I’ve promised myself that if I’m actually hungry (and not just bored), that I’m going to eat no matter where I am in a fast. My boss jokingly called fasting the new bulimia, but in a lot of respects he’s not wrong. I’m trying to find balance. I’ve considered a few times restarting therapy to work on my relationship with food, but I don’t think that it’s to that point. It might not hurt, though. Something to think about.
- Every day was productive, but I definitely worked in some time to do things that I wanted to do – read, make progress on a blanket that I’m working on, finish putting the office together (a friend helped me wrestle the bookcase upstairs, and it was definitely wrestling, so I was able to put the final touches on the whole project, at least for now), watching some TV and movies with Mike. I’ve learned over the past month that there’s definitely a balance to getting stuff done and taking time for me. I think my problem is that I’m so used to being, or trying to be, everything for everyone, and now I’m prioritizing myself more. Moving my laptop and all of my stuff upstairs means that I sit down less and screw around on my laptop more, and I’m being more productive than I was. It also helps that my meds have me totally in balance and I’m not falling into the procrastination trap, or starting too many things at once. I’ve stayed more focused recently, so more is getting done in less time.
- Work is going well. I’ve got a lot on my plate but I’m managing it, and succeeding across the board. It’s a nice feeling. I really do need to sit down and work on my resume and get it together to apply for corporate jobs. I meant to do that while I was on vacation but it kind of got away from me. I need to make that a priority over the next week or two.
- The last few weeks have been really good for me. I attribute a lot of that to adjusting my meds and me working to get my head on straight. I was kind of floating in fuzz, and my anxiety was borderline out of control. So I got back to basics. I emailed my doc and told him that I thought that my meds needed to be adjusted. He was on board with what I suggested, and it seems to have worked. And then I sat down and thought. I went through my priorities, figured out what was important to me and what wasn’t, and realigned my life based on that. I made it a point to take time for myself everyday – reading, crocheting or crafting, watching something that I wanted to on TV, going to the gym (where I’m listening to The Wheel of Time audiobook), whatever. Just something that I want to do. I’m finding that my mental health is much improved since I’ve cut out a lot of the bullshit and figured out what was really important to me. In some ways I’m becoming more self-sufficient, like I used to be, and not assuming that I can rely on most people. What I should say is that I know who I can rely on and who I can’t, and my expectations of people have been adjusted accordingly. Maybe I’m being cynical, but I’m finding that there’s only a few people in my life that I can actually count on. Perhaps that stems from my trust issues, but I found myself going the opposite direction and trusting and relying on people that I ultimately shouldn’t. At the end of the day I need to be careful – careful of who I trust, careful of who I don’t trust, careful that I don’t isolate myself. There’s a difference between learning who you can trust and trusting blindly. I need to relearn the difference between the two.
- We got the new iPhone Pro Max. This camera is insane. I’ve always wanted to learn photography, so maybe it’s time to take some online tutorials on how to do things like frame shots, and composition. I feel like that could be a hobby that I could get into. If anyone knows of any decent ones, please let me know.
That’s it for this week. I’m hoping for another good week ahead. Stay safe, friends!