I really thought I was going to get through this winter unscathed. My mood’s been great, sleep has been good, everything was falling into place.
The last week or so my sleep has been majorly screwed up. I get either 12 hours of sleep or 5 and then need a nap halfway through the day. I can’t get comfortable in bed, and end up sleeping on the couch. Add to that, I’ve felt a little off recently, just not my best. As usual today, around 1 PM I needed a nap. I meant to doze for an hour, ended up sleeping for 4. Woke up – BAM. I felt it in my bones. Hello depression, my old friend. I still managed to push myself and make it to the gym, but it wasn’t a good workout. I just couldn’t get myself engaged.
I’ve already emailed my shrink. He normally gets back to me in a day or so. I had an appointment with my therapist today, but he seemed totally checked out and I could see him reading his screen and then typing. I didn’t even end up bringing it up because it seemed like an exercise in futility.
What I wouldn’t give to be neurotypical, to not have to deal with this crap, to not have to feel like this. I feel like I could go to bed and sleep for a year, if only I could sleep.
I know it’ll get better, that this is a finite state, but damnit if things don’t feel bleak right now.
I guess I’ll try again to get some sleep.