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Blame and grief

I’m just going to say it – I blame myself for Peepers’s death. I should have noticed earlier that something wasn’t right. I should have taken him to the emergency vet on Saturday, or at least on Sunday night. I shouldn’t have waited so long to get him in to see someone. Maybe if I had he’d still be here.

But maybe he wouldn’t. There’s no way to know. But that doesn’t stop my from blaming myself entirely, even if it isn’t entirely rational. When I adopted him, I promised to take care of him. And I didn’t. I let him down. And now he’s not here. It’s my fault.

I know I’m probably somewhere in the stages of grief, but I don’t know where, and I don’t really care.

I know I’m also at a real risk for depression right now. And of course my therapist is on vacation and my psychiatrist is MIA. I just want to go back to bed.

2 thoughts on “Blame and grief

  1. So sorry to hear about your kitty. It probably doesn’t help to say it, but I hope you don’t blame yourself too much. I did the same thing when my Jake passed on, because I felt I should have recognized his increasingly ill health. But sometimes cats don’t let you know how they’re feeling until it might be too late. I hope you will heal soon.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s it exactly. My vet told me that cats are apex predators so they don’t show that something is wrong until it’s too late. That doesn’t make it all better but it did help some hearing that. I still blame myself, though. At least partially.

      Like

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