mental health

The end of the fun

Anyone ever have a day where it’s hard to motivate yourself to do stuff? I lazed around for a bit this morning before I decided to bite the bullet and go to the gym around lunchtime. Now I’m reading stupid articles on Facebook instead of writing this blot or doing any of the other five things I have to do today. I just can’t get the motivation to get myself moving today. It’s not like what I have left is all that strenuous. Hell, I already did the gym thing which will be the hardest part of the day. I just want to sit here, eat Orange Crème Twizzlers (which, if you haven’t tried, you need to. I hate Twizzlers, but these are go to snacks. They’re delicious.) and watch repeats of Criminal Minds.

But the goal is, once I’m done writing this, to get up and get moving.

It’s been a good vacation, and mental health-wise I’m probably in the best space than I’ve been for a long time. I feel good. As much as I claim I don’t need regular therapy, it’s definitely helping. We’ve drilled down on a number of issues to work on, and I’m doing the work. A lot of these are in space organization, cleaning things up mentally, dealing with distractions, staying organized, etc. All of these things are definitely having a positive influence on my mental health. I’m even planning on giving meditation another try this week.

Still on the agenda is finding a new doc. I’m slowly working my way through the list I was sent, and I’m waiting to hear from one doctor in particular. That being said, I’m going to keep looking. His location isn’t ideal, but I can make it work for a few visits after telehealth isn’t a thing (I, personally, really hope that it sticks around). I’m very irritated that I’m in this situation in the first place. At this point, even if my doc did get in touch, I’d see him as long as it took for me to find a new doctor. I’m currently in an online chat with someone from my insurance, I’m hoping that they can provide some help. I’ve got a month of one of my meds, and my GP won’t prescribe any more than that since I really need to be under the care of a psychiatrist for it, which I totally understand. Most GPs aren’t really willing to play around with atypical antipsychotics. Fingers crossed that she’s got some options for me. (Update: after a quick chat, I have an appointment booked with a psychiatrist at the end of the month. And she showed me how to search for providers, so if this one doesn’t work out I know where to go next.)

The party on Saturday was a lot of fun. We only had about 11 or 12 people here as opposed to the 30+ we’ve had in the past, and it was really nice just hanging with our closest friends. Some of us got more drunk than others (not me – for once I was good), but everyone had a good time. The house and the yard looked great, the food was delicious, and we couldn’t have had a better day, weather wise.

Tomorrow is back to reality, and I’m not looking forward to it. Like everyone in the world, I assume, I really enjoyed being off of work. But I’m also looking forward to getting back to a routine. And as much as I consider myself to be an introvert, I’m starting to wonder if I’m not more of an ambivert. I admit, when Mike was at work last week, I got kind of bored and lonely. I wonder if I’m just so used to so much interaction every day that I’m at work that it felt kind of weird to be by myself for that long.

Well, that’s all I’ve got for today. I hope everyone had a great weekend, and has a good week. Stay safe out there.

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