It worked out that when I came back from vacation, I worked 4 days, and then have 4 days off. I’m not complaining, except for the fact that I’m probably going to work 6 or 8 straight when I come back. But the nice thing is is that I got so much done when I was on vacation, that there’s really not much to do around here other than straighten up a little bit and weed the garden, and the normal every day things like laundry. So I plan on hitting the gym just about every day, relaxing outside with a book, catching up on the news, maybe getting a pedicure. Actually relaxing. I’m already planning on having lunch with one friend and dinner with another. I took my therapist’s advice and only reached out to two people about getting together rather than four or five and stretching myself too thin mentally and financially.
Tuesday is going to be a busy day – I have an appointment in the morning, my therapist around lunchtime, and a hair appointment right after that, then wings and beer with a friend. Tuesdays seem to be my day for appointments. That’s fine, it makes scheduling easier if the guy that does our schedule knows that I either need to close or be off every other Tuesday.
We were watching Colbert last night, and he talked about an article from the AP, and one quote he pulled out is that most people only have 1 person, or not anyone, that they could call on in a minor emergency – even a ride to the airport. Made me think – we’ve built a nice little group of family and friends around us. I’d like to think that we could count on our friends, and family to varying extents, if we needed help. But my innate tendency is to not trust people because I’ve been let down so many times. I’m trying to learn to trust.
Part of that is I’m always surprised when people want to hang out. Sometimes I feel like I’m often the one to reach out, and I’m learning from people that that’s just because the nature of my schedule – they never know when I’m free. But when I do reach out, people typically jump to go grab dinner or a movie or whatever. They could easily say that they’re busy, don’t want to, whatever – but they don’t. I need to learn that I have people in my life that actually want to be there. Hell, half the time I think Mike’s going to wake up one day and think that this really isn’t worth it. I need to learn and understand that I am someone that is worthwhile. People want to be friends with me. People want to spend time with me. I don’t know what it’s going to take to get that lesson through my head.
Sometimes I wonder if my career is going to be stalled by my lack of self-confidence. I’m hesitant to apply for jobs because I don’t meet 100% of the requirements, even if I do meet most of them. I see friends change jobs and wonder where they get the confidence to do it. Sometimes it makes me sad – am I going to be where I am forever? Looking for a job is so harrowing. It’s so much looking for jobs, time tailoring resumes, all for it to end up in nothing. So this weekend I’m going to look for jobs within my company (I’m slightly tied there until mid-August due to a hefty bonus I’m going to get, which in reality is only two months) and see if there are any that pique my interest, and then go from there. Nice thing is a friend of ours is a HR professional and has offered to work with me on resumes and whatnot to try to help me land one of these jobs.
But after August? I’m looking outside of the company. Financially, I really need to find something better. I’ve gained a lot of experience where I am, but it’s about time to move on to something new. And I’m not going to find something new unless I look and put myself out there.
That being said, I can stay where I am for awhile. There really isn’t a pressing need to move on, more like the feeling that I’m going to stagnate if I stay where I am. I can do more. I can be more. At least, I hope so.
I think that’s it for today. I hope that everyone has a great day and a great weekend. I’ll see you on Sunday!